Serita Polinaire, M.A
Friend Zone No More: Why Men Should Embrace Dating Friends for Lasting Relationships
For years, the idea of being friend-zoned has been used to mock and shame men who develop feelings for women who only see them as friends. This societal notion has caused many men to fear being friend-zoned, with some even opting out of forming close friendships with women to avoid the possibility of being rejected romantically. However, as society evolves, so do our dating habits, and there's now a growing body of evidence suggesting that men should no longer be afraid of the friend zone.
In the past, American dating was an experiment of throwing strangers together and hoping for the best. There was little to connect people except a shared geography or a mutual acquaintance. However, today's young adults, especially young women, are increasingly finding romance in their friend groups. According to a survey conducted by the Survey Center on American Life, 43% of people between the ages of 18 and 29 said they were in a relationship with someone who was first a friend, including 50% of women in that cohort. This is double the 21% of people over 65 who reported having been friends with their partner or spouse before they started dating.
Dating a friend may provide several benefits, including making the dating process more fun, increasing the odds of compatibility, and reducing concerns about trust. Swiping through endless options on dating apps can result in decision fatigue and greater doubt about the person selected. Dating a friend eliminates this uncertainty and discomfort, as relationships that emerge from friendships start from a place of care and warmth. Moreover, knowing something about a person may increase the odds of compatibility, as they may share similar interests or values.
Trust is crucial in intimate relationships, and dating someone who is already part of your life reduces the likelihood of being betrayed. In contrast, online dating can be a breeding ground for scammers, and young people we interviewed reported that it's hard to know how someone truly is through the internet.
Dating someone who shares a connection to the people or places in your life can be safer for women, especially in the age of online dating where women are bombarded with negative attention, harassment, or worse. Dating someone who is part of your social or professional circle provides more assurance that they won't act inappropriately, for fear of the social consequences that come from morally questionable behavior. Furthermore, if they do act poorly, they are far more likely to face repercussions.
The friend zone should no longer be feared by men. Instead, it should be viewed as an opportunity to form meaningful connections that could lead to lasting romantic relationships. While there are no guarantees, dating someone who is already part of your life may provide several benefits that online dating or dating strangers cannot. So men, don't be afraid to take a chance on a friend. You never know where it might lead.